i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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