just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
