Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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