I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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