I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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