at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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