What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
