He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize