home. puking in laundry basket.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
