If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i will never coherently bang her
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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