What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
