dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
