and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
