it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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