Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
