You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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