i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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