I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
