No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
