Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
