So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize