Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
