I need to stop coming to work sober
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she peed on how many people?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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