Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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