I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just pynch a tree in the face
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
