drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
