I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
