Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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