hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Houston, we have a squirter
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
