Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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