Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
