I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
