i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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