would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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