Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
