his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
