Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
