So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
