at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He better not be in your backpack
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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