Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
