Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
