if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
