i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
