loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
