Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
