i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
