video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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