we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
