they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
