i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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