apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
