Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
