So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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