And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
