True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
