1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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