Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
