Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
