hell yes lets make some ravioli
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
