I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
