Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
