just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
