I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
