I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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