hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
