You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
