I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I came so hard my ears popped.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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