Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
