If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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