I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
