Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Randomize
