Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
