It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
