Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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