i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I need a beard to bite.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
